


Actual Hate

by Self_Indulgent_TMNT



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-11-28 12:38:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11418150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Self_Indulgent_TMNT/pseuds/Self_Indulgent_TMNT
Summary: From TMNT (2016): Out of the ShadowsMichelangelo: You should have seen the looks on their faces... it wasn't just fear, it was actual hate...Splinter: It will be all right, my son. People fear what they do not understand.In which a girl teaches Mikey a lot of things, including that it's ok to be feared and misunderstood, as long as there's love too.





	1. She taught him how to take a second look

**Author's Note:**

> This is an impulse fic. I've got reader inserts for the other 3 turtles but I was waiting for an idea for Mikey and it came to me about an hour ago when I was making my breakfast and now I've got the first part.  
> I'm gonna try a new thing where I don't name the reader/OC at all, not even using Y/N etc. I don't know if I'll keep it up but as an idea it is intriguing to me.

When Michelangelo was confronted by a room full of cops, faces full of fear and, yes, actual hate, it changed him. Yes, the people let them help in the end, they honoured them with keys to the city and accepted them as part of that city. But Mikey couldn’t forget that hate.  
Humans hated him, he knew that. The number that wouldn’t scream at him upon sight was small.  
But he wasn’t going to stop being him.  
When he saw a girl being mugged in an alley he didn’t hesitate to help. No one would believe her if she said she’d seen a giant turtle and he didn’t want to see her get hurt. He was alone that night, out for a walk by himself because today was one of those days when his thoughts just wouldn’t chill. But he could take the muggers out easy, and there was no one there to tell him not to.  
He leapt into the alley, taking out the 2 muggers with a punch to each of their heads. The girl cowered, and then screamed.  
“No no no, wait! It’s ok! I won’t hurt you! I’m a good guy!” Mikey babbled, holding up his hands to protest his innocence. He looked into the eyes of the girl he’d just saved and he saw fear, and watched as that fear morphed into hate. He couldn’t keep the tears from clouding his vision. He picked up her bag and chucked it at her feet. “Here” he muttered.  
The girl stopped screaming and stared at him, still afraid but slowly less so. In his eyes she saw pain, a deep pain that she’d never seen before.  
And in that moment, everything changed.  
She took her time to calm down, slowly relaxing her body as she came to terms with what was stood in front of her. It was a giant turtle, with weapons and a mask and 2 unconscious guys who’d been trying to mug her at their feet. And tears in their eyes.  
And, slowly, she wasn’t afraid anymore.  
She took a tentative step forward. “Sorry” she whispered, “you just shocked me, is all”  
Mikey looked up at her with wide eyes. “What?”  
“I shouldn’t have screamed” she said, visibly relaxing now. “You saved me, I should thank you not scream at you. So, um, thanks”  
Mikey didn’t know how to respond.  
She gave him a smile and her name and he continued to stare in awe.  
“I’m Michelangelo, but you can call me Mikey” he said, finding his smile once again.  
“I don’t mean to seem rude, but, um, what are you?”  
Mikey’s smile grew wider. “I’m a turtle” he said, “a giant, mutant, ninja turtle”  
“You can say that again” she said, looking him up and down. “Well do giant mutant ninja turtles eat?”  
“What?”  
She laughed. Mikey liked that sound. “You saved me, the least I can do is buy you dinner. I was gonna get a takeaway tonight, do you want some?”  
Mikey narrowed his eyes, suspiciously. “What kind of takeaway?”  
“I was thinking pizza”  
His agreement was immediate and enthusiastic.

90 minutes later he was sat in this girl’s apartment, eating pizza and trying to explain to her exactly who and what he was.  
Her fear had dissipated completely now, seeing him in her own home had taken a significant amount of the intimidation out of the situation. The more they talked the more she saw him as exactly what he was, an excitable teenage boy.  
“I’m sorry again, for screaming” she said when there was a lull in the conversation. “That can’t be nice”  
He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I’m used to it”  
“But you shouldn’t have to be!” she cried, sitting up from her lounging position. “I don’t know you all that well, we only met like an hour ago, but you seem like a good guy to me. You saved me and you didn’t know me. But because you look different I was afraid. That sucks”  
There was an idealistic enthusiasm in her eyes. Mikey liked that.  
“Yeah, yeah it does suck. But there’s nothing I can do, I know that”  
“Well clearly there is something. I know it doesn’t make all that much difference but you’ve made one convert today”  
It did make a difference, it made a big difference.


	2. She taught him how to be miserable

He didn’t want to go home, but he had to. He dragged himself away from that little, comfy living room which smelled like pizza and perfume and something unmistakably homely. He said goodbye to the girl with the bright eyes and the kind smile who wouldn’t stop apologising for having ever been afraid of him and he launched himself out into the night. He avoided the streets because the world was afraid of him, because the world hated him, and he slipped home like a shadow.  
He didn’t tell his brothers where he’d been, he knew exactly how they’d respond if he did. Raph would just say she wasn’t genuine, he’d just question why anyone would wanna spend time with a freak like him, and Mikey was struggling enough with those thoughts as it was, he didn’t need Raph to make it worse. Leo would tell him to be careful, to not let his enthusiasm blind him like he always did. Donnie would stay quiet but when the others were done he’d mutter something nice, hoping Mikey had enjoyed himself.  
So he didn’t tell them because there was no point. And because he liked it being his secret.  
He went to bed and he dreamed of faces. Faces of his brothers, telling him countless times over the years that he couldn’t go to the surface, not even on Halloween. Faces of people who’d seen them when they shouldn’t have, fear taking over them. Faces of the people who cornered them, who hated them for no reason other than they were different.  
Then he dreamed of a different face. One who was afraid and then wasn’t. Someone who apologised again and again, someone who realised that he wasn’t a monster. Someone who took a moment to see if there was a person underneath the green.  
He went back the next night and he brought the pizza. She let him in without batting an eyelid.  
And this time, he let her talk and he listened.  
She was idealistic. She was enthusiastic. She was bright. She was bubbly. She talked all evening about her plans and ideas and for once in his life he was happy to stay silent and let someone else talk. She wanted equality for everyone, and since yesterday she’d expanded her definition of everyone to include mutants, too. To include him. She wanted to travel, to help people in other countries, but she didn’t have the money so she was working until she could.  
And then she stopped talking, apologising for having talked all night. But he didn’t mind, because she was treating him like an equal and no one ever did that. To his brothers he was the little one who needed protecting, to his father he was a student who needed guiding, to others he was one of the turtles, not the same as them. To everyone else he was a source of fear and anger. But to her he was just a guy. He never wanted to leave and he never wanted her to stop talking.  
But he had to. His brothers were texting, asking where he was, and couldn’t keep them satisfied with vague replies much longer. He thanked her for the evening and left.  
He hated leaving. That was where his hate lay. He hated the world for making him leave that little refuge with the friendly conversation and the seemingly endless cups of tea. He hated the world for not being like that, hated his brothers for not leaving him alone. He was miserable by the time he got home, because as much as he loved seeing her it just made the rest of the world worse when he had to leave. Why couldn’t everyone be like that? Why did he have to hide?  
His brothers tried to ask where he’d been but when they saw the misery on his face they tried to ask if he was ok instead. He deflected all enquiries and shut himself away.  
Because what was the point in trying to seem cheery when he was trapped? Why should he pretending to be happy when he had to live in hiding and could only go out at night?  
He shouldn’t need that tiny refuge with the one person who treated him as an equal, he deserved to be treated as an equal by everyone.


	3. She taught him how to feel wanted

He went back the next day. And the next. Desperately drawn to the one place he could feel accepted.  
And she let him in every day, without fail. He learnt everything about her life, how she liked her pizza, where she did her shopping, where to get phone signal in her apartment. He became a part of her everyday life so easily it was almost scary.  
The first time she kissed him changed his whole damn life.  
They’d been drinking. Not loads, just enough to make her bold. She was kneeling on the sofa beside him, listening to him talk excitedly.  
It was simple enough, gentle lips pressing lightly onto his rough ones for less than it took to take a breath. He froze, staring at her with an expression of utter confusion and shock. And then, of all the things she could have done, she giggled, a hand darting out to give him a gentle shove.  
“Are you ok there?” she asked, grinning widely.  
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I’m better than fine, I’m… Why'd you do that?”  
Her grin shrank a little, going from amused to quietly fond. “Because I wanted to”  
“But, why did you want to?”  
Her smile disappeared entirely now, a serious look he rarely saw crossing her face. “Because I like you, Mikey. A lot. Look, I know you struggle with looking so different, but that doesn’t matter to me. I’ve never really been one for caring about appearance, it’s personalities I’m attracted to. And as far as they go, you’re about as beautiful as they come”  
He nodded slowly, and then faster and with more enthusiasm. But he couldn’t quite think of what to say yet. She laughed again, he liked that.  
“Can I kiss you again?” she asked, shuffling closer to him on the sofa.  
“Uhhh”  
She took his inability to form words as a yes and did so, hands on his shoulders and lips pressing onto his with more pressure this time, dwelling there a moment so that he had time to feel her lips, their warmth, their softness, the slight stickiness caused by her lip gloss. She pulled away, resting her forehead on his for a moment with eyes closed and a slight smile on those incredible lips, before leaning back and looking at him again.  
“I’m about to sound very immature but bear with me. Michelangelo, will you be my boyfriend?”  
All he could do was nod again and say “Yeah”  
“Good. Because now that I’ve kissed you once I don’t think I’ll be able to resist doing it again” – this was accompanied by another light press of her lips – “and again” – another – “and again”


	4. She taught him how to be happy

Mikey wanted more people to be like her. Mikey didn’t want anyone else to be like her.  
He wanted more people to see everyone as personalities rather than their appearances. He didn’t want anyone else to treat him like she did, though, like he was the most normal yet most special person in the world. She liked kissing him, yes, but she liked other things too. She couldn’t get enough of holding his hand, of nuzzling her face into his neck, of tucking herself into his side. And he liked it, too.  
His preoccupation with what others thought about him dwindled down to almost nothing now that he had her. His hate for the world dissipated when she looked at him. Because how could he hate a world, as cruel and harsh as it was, that had given him the chance to have her?  
His behavioural changes had not gone unnoticed by his brothers.  
They knew something was up, and they were suspicious. So they cornered him one night when he came home far too late and far too happy for anything they could think he’d been doing. His response to their questioning was to show them his new phone home screen, a picture of the two of them, her lips planted on his cheek while he grinned.  
“Who the shell is that?” Raph asked.  
“And what are her lips doing on your cheek?” Leo asked.  
Mikey told them. “She’s my girlfriend”, he said it proudly, allowing himself to believe the words he was saying. It felt good to say it out loud.  
“She’s your what?” Leo asked.  
“Are you sure you know what a girlfriend is, Mikey?” Raph asked.  
“I think I know better than you do, Raph, considering I have one and you don’t” he threw back.  
“And she’s ok with your appearance?” Donnie asked.  
“She’s more into personalities than appearance”  
“Oh, so she’s a hippy” Raph said.  
“If being an intelligent, forward thinking, caring person makes her a hippy then sure” Mikey replied.  
They recovered from their initial shock pretty quickly. They were ok with it really, Raph remained a little sceptical, Leo remained cautious and Donnie was quietly congratulatory.  
Then he brought her to the lair.  
They got it immediately when they met her.  
She didn’t seem even a little bit cowed by being faced with the fairly intimidating mutants, just kept grinning and holding their little brother’s hand casually. That was a good sign. The next thing which warmed her to them was how she never stopped smiling. She was there all evening and she didn’t once look anything less than enthusiastic and happy, and neither did Mikey.  
She whooped their asses at pinball, then when they picked up the game console controllers she whooped their asses at that, too. That left Leo feeling a little miffed but that was just because she beat his high score. They were a little more putout when she kissed him, offhand, at one point. But she just looked round at their faces and giggled and Mikey grinned and laughed too and they were forced to accept what had happened and continue.  
Splinter liked her. She was respectful, but that wasn’t what endeared her to him. She made Mikey smile, wider than he’d smiled in a long time.  
She endeared herself to them even more when she insisted on buying pizza for dinner.  
Sat on the sofa in his home, eating pizza with his brothers and his girlfriend, Mikey could only describe what he felt as happy. Ok, so maybe they were still in a sewer and if he went outside people would come screaming and armed police would arrive, but he struggled to care. Because here and now he had his brothers and he had his home and he had his girl and he couldn’t conceive how he could want more.


	5. She taught him how to love

She spent more time at the lair now, and that was good. They split their time between their and her apartment and any day when he didn’t see her was a dark day, even if they spoke on the phone or on video chat. But that was ok, because the days he didn’t see her dwindled down into a rarity.  
She became his everything and, unbeknownst to him, he became hers. The others didn’t ask ‘where’s Mikey?” anymore, instead the question was about both of them. She became his normal, and she made him feel a little normal too. But never too much, he didn’t want to be too normal, not anymore anyway. Not if it meant he stopped being the person she was in love with.  
And she was in love with him, she was quite open about that.

‘I love you’  
The first time she said it was quite by accident. And, to make things a little more awkward, it was around his brothers.  
They were having dinner at the lair, Chinese for a change rather than pizza. She was happily chomping her way through her meal while he messed around with his own discarded chopsticks (he just couldn’t get the hang of them, forks for life he said), making himself look like a walrus and pulling stupid faces. His brothers were looking on, unimpressed, but she was laughing her head off, so much so that there was a very real danger she might choke.  
She leant over and bumped him purposefully with her shoulder, finally having stopped laughing enough to breathe. “I love you” she said, the words slipping out unbidden among the laughter. He froze, as did the rest of the room, and a moment later she registered what she’d said and froze too.  
“I… You don’t have to say it back” she said, trying to defuse the look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite read. “I didn’t mean to say that, I just… It’s true, of course, but I didn’t mean to say it right this moment” she babbled, trying to make things less awkward but failing dismally. Leo, Raph and Donnie looked on in mild horror, feeling very uncomfortable, like they really shouldn’t be present for this but unable to leave without making things more awkward.  
It only took Mikey a few seconds of awkwardness to overcome the shock and he threw himself at her, lips crashing into hers to stop the constant babble of gibberish she was saying, pulling away a moment later.  
“I love you too” he said, grinning. His brothers, ever keen to be annoying, burst into applause and a cry of ‘awwwwww!’  
She blinked at him before finally breaking into a grin.  
“Well, that’s alright then” she said.  
“Yeah, yeah it is” he replied, grinning.


	6. She taught him how to be afraid

Things were good, things were actually amazing. Everything was so good that the turtles dropped their old cynicism and simply lived in the beautiful goodness of now. They forgot to remember that life exists as a precarious balance of good and bad and that things can never stay that good for long.  
It took a taxi to remind them.  
A taxi whose driver momentarily stopped paying enough attention and grew bored of following the rules of the road perfectly. The problem with that is that when everyone else continues to follow the rules of the road and expects others to do the same, people are put in harm’s way. It’s usually the pedestrians who suffer most.  
Who else was she supposed to tell them to call when she got hit by a car? She was alone in this city, he was the closest person she had, and she needed him. Maybe amongst all the pain and fear she forgot his difference made it impossible for him to go out and be seen, or maybe she was just scared enough not to care. Either way, Mikey got a phone call from her number and on the other end was a voice he’d never heard saying that the girl he loved was in hospital.  
His whole world fell apart.  
It didn’t matter that the person on the phone reassured him it wasn’t anything too serious, what mattered was that she was hurt and she needed him. His breathing came in short gasps, he couldn’t think, all he could feel was panic. He burbled out some kind of confirmation that he’d understood the message and that he was on his way and then he dropped the phone on the sofa and tried to keep in the panic.  
His brothers were asking what was wrong but he couldn’t get the words out. It was Leo who understood first, his older brother said the name of the girl he loved and the panic was renewed tenfold. That confirmed it for them. He just about managed to gasp out a brief summary of what he knew, reassuring both himself and his brothers that she was ok really, nothing too serious, but they were keeping her in overnight anyway.  
There was no point convincing him not to go.  
The practicality of him getting in was a problem that had to be pointed out by Donnie who, though not exactly calm (the brothers had grown immensely fond of the bright, optimistic girl) was able to think clearly in most situations.  
Donnie called April, because at least she would be able to get in to the hospital, and Leo called Chief Vincent because she was the highest-ranking person they knew and maybe she’d be able to help. Raph fetched Mikey’s key to the city, because maybe having a clear sign that they were the good guys would help when/if they eventually smuggled their brother into the damn hospital because there was no way on earth he wasn’t going. Meanwhile, Mikey freaked out.  
Chief Vincent agreed to help them, she would agree to do almost anything for them as she desperately tried to say thank you for an entire city that didn’t know how much they owed. Smuggling a giant mutant turtle into a hospital was the least she could do.  
April arrived as fast as she could and she took Mikey away, taking the rooftops as much as possible to get to the hospital unseen. She left Mikey on an adjacent roof and went to meet the Chief where she was outside. They entered the hospital, leaving Mikey’s sight, and he stood on the roof for what felt like an eternity while April and the Chief explained things to someone inside the hospital, someone with enough power within those walls to grant permission for a mutant to enter the hospital to see his girlfriend.  
Eventually, his phone rang, with April on the other end guiding him to a backdoor he would be allowed in. A route was cleared for him and someone in a doctor’s uniform stood and stared in a clear combination of terror and awe at the freak in front of her. He was taken up some back stairs, being reassured that his girlfriend had been moved to a private room with curtains drawn.  
It took longer than he was comfortable with to reach her, the group having to take things slow to avoid drawing attention and bumping into people. The doctor leading them muttered a frantic explanation to the nurses on duty, whose eyes all widened when they heard and grew even larger at the sight of him. But they let him in, and that was the important thing.  
He was beside himself by the time they finally reached the room, falling to his knees at her bedside, grasping her hand as she smiled at him and laughed a little.  
“It’s alright, Mikey. I’m ok, just a little busted up” she soothed him, squeezing his hand. She didn’t look ok, her face was scratched and bruised and there were more bandages on her than he was comfortable with.  
“I was so scared” he told her, tears falling freely as he felt the relief of being by her side after what felt like an eternity of trying to get to her.  
“How did you get in here?” she asked, pulling his hand slightly to indicate he should get off the floor and sit on the damn bed like a normal person.  
“Smuggled in by a couple of confused doctors and Chief Vincent”  
“That’s so unfair. If you’d been human they would have let you in no question”  
He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter, I’m here now, and I’m not leaving until you are”  
He kissed the top of her head gently, cautious of hurting her even though she protested she was fine. “You’re not allowed to do that to me again. Never. Don’t scare me like that”  
She just laughed and put an arm around him. “I’ll do my best, Mikey. Promise”


	7. She taught him how to forgive

The hospital was good as its word, keeping Mikey hidden for the duration of his stay, which was also the duration of his girlfriend’s stay as he refused to leave her there alone. She was released the next morning, the doctors satisfied that she had only received superficial injuries. There was never a question of her going home, Mikey insisted she stayed at the lair until she was 100% recovered.  
She put up a token argument, but Mikey was being so sweet and she spent so much time there anyway that she was happy to be staying with them.  
That was about the only thing she was happy about, though.  
She was angry, she was absolutely furious. The lengths Mikey had been forced to go to just to visit the girl he loved in hospital made her sick. The bright, bubbly girl the turtles knew disappeared and was replaced with a sad version of her former self. A perpetual low mood settled over her and Mikey spent most of his time curled up with her, trying to convince her that it didn’t really matter.  
“I hate people” she muttered.  
“No, you don’t. You love people” he countered.  
“No, Mikey, I love you, I hate people. You had to contact a high ranking official and be smuggled through corridors just to see me! All because people are ignorant and violent”  
“You were like them, once, you know. When we first met”  
“I’m not forgetting that, I have just as much hate for myself as for the rest of my species”  
“Don’t, please don’t hate yourself” Mikey begged, nuzzling his face against her neck the way he knew she liked. “Because I don’t hate you. I think you’re amazing. You’re smart and funny and caring, you’re the best person I’ve ever met”  
“But I was still afraid when we met!”  
“And then you weren’t afraid anymore. Give people a little more credit”  
“You’ve changed your tune” she snapped, a little more viciously than she’d intended, her voice softened “I mean, when we met you hated my entire species”  
“And then I met you, and I couldn’t hate your entire species anymore because you’re part of that species, and how can I hate a world that gave me you?”  
That seemed to do the trick. Her sour expression faded and was replaced with love.  
“Please don’t hate the world, baby. It’s broken and ugly, but you’re gonna help fix it, I just know you are”  
That softened her even further. “Alright Mikey, if you don’t hate the world then I’ll try not to either. But one day you’re gonna be able to stroll into a hospital to visit someone and no one will bat an eyelid. I swear”


	8. She taught him how to be ok

She got better, because that’s what time does to wounds. She spent more time than ever at the lair, though, unwilling to be away from Mikey too long. Maybe it was because she loved him, although it’s more likely it was because she lived in constant fear the world might take him away.  
The old ambitions faded into the background, replaced by a new and overwhelming desire to get the turtles accepted. It was a massive task, and she understood that, but she had to start somewhere. That somewhere was every single protest against discrimination, every single crowd in the streets that argued we’re all the same. And she attended every single one of them with banners that proclaimed everyone should be accepted for who they were, regardless of genetics.  
The turtles told her it was fine, they were happy with what they were and what they had. This was their lot in life and it was a pretty good one in their opinion. And Mikey joined them in the efforts to calm down her one-woman campaign for them.  
He cared so much less now about being accepted. He was him, and as long as that was enough for her it was more than enough for him. He cared less about being in society. She’d changed him, taught him to love himself.  
But she’d changed too. Gone was the innocence, the blind love for humanity, the deep belief in good. The hate he saw in her now he blamed himself for.  
He’d never escape hate, Mikey realised. It was a part of his world. The world hated him, and he was ok with that, but if he didn’t hate the world for it then someone else had to, it was rules. There was a hate quota needed to be filled, and he’d dragged her into it. Without meaning to, he’d taught her the true meaning of hatred.  
But they were ok. Despite it all they were ok. She continued to protest and the turtles continued to save people from the shadows. It was normal, it was life.

When Mikey had met the love of his life he’d been broken, afraid of the world and angry at it. She’d taken him in and taught him how to be happy and good. Now she taught him that things weren’t always going to be like that. Now she taught him how to be simply ok, and that was good too. He was better, she was worse and together they were ok.  
The hate was part of it.  
But so was the love.  
And that was ok. They were ok.


End file.
